PIRANHA 3-D Doesn't Bite Hard Enough

Piranha 3-D certainly has a sharp sense of humor, but the exploitation elements are blatantly overwhelming and preposterous at times. Sure, the film knows what it is and doesn’t try to be more than the fun, B-like horror film it wants to be, but it has a difficult time mixing the comedic and horror elements. Overall, Piranha spends more time exploiting the stars, exploiting big-breasted women, exploiting the college-party lifestyle, exploiting the over-the-top gore, exploiting CGI (Computer Graphics), and don't forget, cashing-in on the ridiculous 3-D gimmick. Instead of inverting these concepts into a clever goodtime, the content remains utterly EXPLOITIVE, no more and no less, rather than standing as a cool homage to the original, and B-horror cinema in general. The fact that this film doesn’t use stop-motion or complex make-up effect takes the charm away from the B-horror effect. Roger Corman produced the first Piranha (1978) to cash-in on the whole Jaws-rave of the mid-to-late seventies. In addition, the original Piranha had a witty script written by the independent maverick, John Sayles, and at times, was truly frightening. This new Piranha is all-around silly. Some of my favorite B-horror films were made by writer-director Frank Henenlotter, a genius at combining horror with comedy, along with some very inventive stop-motion effects. He wrote and directed such cult, B-horror classics as Basket Case (1982), Brain Damage (1987), and Frankenhooker (1990). These films came out before the CGI craze, and are a good reminder as to why CGI ruins the charm of stop-motion or make-up effects. When the audience sees that a certain effect is created by a computer, it’s really hard to ponder the gory creation, or how inventive the director had to be in order to create an in-camera effect. I think there are some instances where CGI is absolutely necessary, but today, I think special effects artist depend too much on it. Sometimes, CGI can really take me out of the realm of the cinematic experience, and the illusion is completely ruined. Most importantly, Piranha 3-D is not an original creation; it’s your run-of-the-mill remake. Question: How many remakes do the studios manufacture every year? Answer: So many, I just stopped counting. ** (out of four stars)